No more than i'm on here, i'm still going to take a chance and see if anyone notices this question.
`WHO in my friends list did i become best of friends with when i moved to Ky in 1986? What did God use to influence her to Really live for Him consistantly all these years? (i cant say i Really know that answer???) I DO know she was one of 5 or 6 i `Really`Saw Run to the alter and Repent with `Godly Sorrow!`
Last.... Only those who have seen me in the past couple of years can answer this one.
Should i post a picture of how i Really look, It maybe for those who i've not seen since we moved back a wake up call. I havent done all this research, talk to anyone who will listen about these tumors, AND... we are the pioneers of something pretty much unheard of. AND i'm So Sick of talking about it, drs, anyone who wonders whats up with Joan, on the phone with long distance relatives, i can't even type out the testimony, this journey only God knows who will be able to even Believe, much less relate to; but Whoever This Person is will Need to Hear It or Read it, (at this time it will be read unless God puts me right in front of this person or persons!) It Will Save a LIfe more ways than one! (and bty i did put a pic of Now here... just look below the pic of me and my hubby!)
One thing i Do Know! Whatever the outcome, THIS season is NOT going to be in vain without God getting Glory for doing ONLY what HE can do, and Someone's Life Changed- right now its my own, but THIS.... No... God allows us to go through these things so that we can help others going through the same things. It is the Word, and it is Truth. Now this has turned into a blog! I'll put it in my notes and let the Lord take care of the rest. This is as long as i can sit at this thing, got to get out of here!
Pray for Sis. Sarah, she gets the results of her bone scan Thurs. She is in her 30's with children. I pray Gods Perfect Will Be done; His permissive will is comfortable just enough to keep from Really being conformed to the Image of His dear Son. God knows the outcome for her before she ever knew there was a problem. I know she wants Gods Perfect will, knowing that is one prayer that could bring some of the most painful events in a persons life, even death. BUT... if in Christ, we Never die! We Cannot Lose!!!!
***Just a paragraph up i said i had to get away from this computer.... and if i keep writing, just know God is in it. ****
*For those who do not know me well enough, writing, praying, meditating in the word, God works in and for me! I've always done this. Since this desk computer is a reminder of keep on going seeking the right information; and how that in Itself was Certianly Needful. the tole it took physically and mentally was devestating.
However, im Convinced not only does God want to teach me through it, Does this sound familiar? Seek `Wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding` that brings about right choices in every area of life. what Everyone was telling me to do, everyone has an opinion, diagnosis for the only symptom they know about, but have Not Done what it Takes to get this wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding. Its a sacrafice and Not a pleasant one in alot of cases. I';ve gotten some of the most ignorant to even deadly advice to the point of being Badgered using what is called the Cult Syndrome (how they draw you in, and then how they keep you! )This came in an ER! 2 of 8 hours there, this NURSE didnt know i knew this game Very well. Only i Know proper protocol in this area of medicine and this was nothing Less than Manipulation, ending in what is considered emotional abuse AND LYING to a patient to get them to do what they want! Regardless of the consequences to their health! What i didn't tell her did her in, even though she dosent know it. and Most could Easily have said yes, being sleep deprived, mentally exhausted, unclear thinking from a health issue that `Looks` like a mental break down, by this time there is depression and you may need some help but Please Unlesss you are considering hurting yourself, someone else, Do Not Go! Make an app. with family dr. and the Psy. but Be so VERY careful, psy. drugs are flying at everyone who will take them faster than you can get a pain pill for a migrane! In the ER if you need to be under the car of a Psy unit, You USUALLY are There For That Reason! I was NOT but for Heart Palpitations. No reason to ever go, they do nothing but send you home with the instructions to Return Immediatley if you have these symptoms (THE ONES THAT BRAUGHT YOU THERE TO BEGIN WITH!) lol......tHIS IS A JOKE MEDICALLY, BUT NOT ONE BIT FUNNY TO ME.
Well, Just Believe in God, and all the other cliches we hear from those who have NO idea what is going on with you and really do not care as long as it does not stress them.Anyone Not VERY familiar with how manipulators take advantage of a sickness; eESP/. Undiagnosed: and if over a period of time seeing several specialist with "there's nothing wrong with you, and you know that there most certianly is!---will find some comfort that someone seems genuinely wanting to help and maybe "i'll Finally get a Diagnosis, or the Right Diagnosis," relaxes you to some degree and thinking `someone just take care of me for awhile, no decisions to make, someone else will do it for me. I can relax and give my mind a break. We have a Real tendancy to put ourselves into hands we know nothing about. of course its at our most vunerable times, the enemy of our souls knows what buttons to push,& what works. I think what Shocked me the MOST about this Nurses's determination to get me to do what She Said, putting aside all boundaries of conduct- i saw the Familiar ways satan works, its usually so deceptive & cunning that we are in shock when we finally see it. I knew she would not stop until she had exhausted all resources, i could have stopped her the first 15 minutes she was in, but seeing how odd this was, Def. Not the way it works with Psy. not ethical, legal, and its Always been a Doctor who comes in, gently askes you if you feel you want to hurt yourself, anyone else, if they are told no, then they ask if you think you can go home, or do you Want to stay here and see? Now this has been over 20 years speaking from `my experiences`, but if someone tells me, this has happened to them in an ER other than where i went to, i;ll Believe you! I KNEW this had Something to do with money, sure enough when i got home looked up new bills being passed, coming or hoping to be passed, you know the way it works. This was in March and sure enough, beginning of April Everyone no matter if they had ins. or not, had the right to get the Same Psy. Care in Physility as someone with the best of insurance! "PLEASE take your health care into your own hands by making yourself AWARE of problems you may already have, don't know if you have such as was my start 1in5 have PITUITARY TUMORS! I'm not missing out on a good part of a nice day to sit on the porch just to rehash this over and over! I hate talking about this, because its here 24/7 and am grateful for time NOT to think about it, talk, type, most starting for your own notes and keeping up with app/ so much of what little energy you might have is put into this.
Guess who the Stronger one is... you so Nor sleep, so you pace through the house praying, quoting scripture, pleading the blood over your home, you have NO choice But to Keep your Mind renewed, as disciplined as possible, and you do this for so long, whatever normal was, seems so unreal, it almost appears that sleep is a waste of time! There are battles and then their are bloody wars so gruesome even the evilest cringe.
To be conformed to the Image of Christ????? How do we think THAT will Ever happen? Suffering to the point of shedding your own blood. And you should know what that means. I thought i had suffered, well it does no good to go there if you are thinking, now someone who thinks about taking their life is just plain selfish. You must loose All HOPE in Everything, Everyone, your world will not even Resemble what it was! When something takes soooo long, causes so much suffering in your body, your mind, and affects your spirit, along with those who you think love you the most, family in many cases; downplay what you say, do so and so and get your mind of of it. Oh and they all know just exactly what causes One of about 15 symptoms and you do it their way, you will be fine. where are they when its not convienant, the middle of the night, dinner time, you know what i'm talking about.
Do NOT underestimate what the lose of Hope does to a person. It comes gradually but there's One last button that will be pushed you don't see it coming. there are no words to describe it. I wish I could, It had nothing to do with my faith, yet Everything to do with it! God's purpose in suffering are always redemptive! enough on that.
Other than being conformed to the image of Jesus, we are to reconile others to Him! "Its the goodness of God that draws men to `repentance`.
Most of us have not come closs to experienceing what the people Jesus walked with did, not in todays society for sure!
An emotionally, physically and sleep derprived person especially if theres been alot of unusual stress that maybe it can be blamed on is Ripe for this kind of deception; and NOW
... leading to the Popular diagnosis of the Time, Everyone is bi-polar! My family Dr admitted he see's these trends and steers people in Other ways.
Without Any knowledge of my medical background, this Nurse Finally said, Your Symptoms are NOT coming from your Pituitary gland, tumors or adrenals, BUT you are Bi-Polar!
Is That what So many people are going to be facing now!??? We better seek Gods word, KNOW it, Read Proverbs, James and 1John once every month. It Makes Me accountable to GOD First, (and i'd not realized maybe other times i did what a doctor told me because of desperation).
Remember this... You may have been through so much within a period of even years, you really doubt your own mind, and we are 3 parts, body, soul and spirit. When one is overloaded it does affect the others.
And even when I've not felt that i had the right mind to do this or that; make any decissions at all....... MY MORAL VALUES NEVER LEAVE, NOR CHECK OUT; EVEN IF THE MIND DOES. ITS CALLED MY CONSCIOUS. It Will KEEP you when you just are not in the positon to Make even the smallest decission, such as to put socks on or not to? That can seem like the hardest thing you've ever had to decide in times like this.
We better know the word. Only God can deal with each of us as we need.
walk in my socks, before advice. My dominant spiritual gift is Mercy. Life and death are in the power of the tongue and what may seem like nothing to you, is devastating to the gift of mercy.Don't be a pawn of the enemy,
before speaking, well thats another topic and is based totally on the 7 spiritual gifts, not all of them see eye to eye, thats why God gave each of us one to balance out the others.
So much of what i write down is what i'm writing is from a life experience, held up to the word of God, but how i React or do not react depends so very much on my dominate spiritual gift.
Much Love`
cj
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