Just a note to myself this morning, and anyone who may want to can watch how things work around here!
---> Since i cannot retell the details one more time of every symptom, every date, etc since 2003, and writing it even on a laptop, its just not healthy at this time.
There is a story i would not believe if my hubby has not been with me at the most crucial times to verify things that happened, things said, not said, family, friends, deaths, accidental accidents, the Good things that Happen, the things that God has allowed me to experience that there is No possible way I could understand it if and when someone else had the same experience; much less give advice?! Through out cliche scriptures as if a suffering soul has never heard it less than every time they have something come up.
I Need Someone not emotionally involved watching my 24 hour around the clock routine, has one of her spiritual gifts is `Mercy`, knows the Word!!! my age or a little older at least to tell this Journey as it unfolded and type it in for me.
If its not written now, much will be overlooked and or forgotten and it maybe just the very thing that Someone needs to survive long enough to come to Jesus```` I'm leaving this request at the cross; God is responsible for it now!
Regardless if my name is attached or Not... this is not About ME, its about what God Can Do When HE is FINALLY `ALL` you Have, not hubby or wife to count on, friend, family, neighbor, NO ONE. I Only Thought i'd experienced that; Oh that is so far from the truth, i just did not know it. This is about God, and so much more, that will give Him the Glory He deserves and Someone will Need This.
Ohhh...Something happened to part of this post when i saved it, well.......NOT to worry, when it needs to be here it will be!
NOTE---> Pray for Sarah, she's having a bone scan today, some knots have been found in her leg and obviously they are looking for cancer first. I found this out just last night at church, its been too long since last there.
I pray this way, Lord YOUR WILL BE DONE! Yes, i also pray every biblical way God gave us concerning sickness.
I'd Much rather have God's Perfect Will For Her, than His Permissive will. I know that road, it's so easy to decieve ourselves, i sure am guilty of that.
`Perfect Will--- We can't loose either way don't you know!
`Permissive Will--- I think Alot now before praying, asking, who's will and way is most important as i rushed through what a normal day used to be, and sincerely praying, reading the word and love to talk with others. It's taken over 23 years, i lost something in my relationship with God when i got married, and Never could get that Close relationship back, i resented that!
But, i also remember what Paul said about staying single and getting married, so i thought, tried to convince myself, really didnt know, if that was how it was supposed to be.???? At this point i still cant say for sure, but i do know He will reveal it at some point, 40 yrs in the wilderness??? I understand why it takes a Lifetime to become Comformed to His Image?!
And here i thought living on the streets at 16 yrs old in a large city was hard, and the many things that i witnessed before and after that was my testimony of Real hardship; to Many it will be. To Me, and Someone else out there in Gods timing; that was a minor skinned knee compared to these past few years.
I do Not regret Any part of this... and i say that kind of grinding my teeth; but i don't Want to settle for just a good relationship with God, my Hubby, others, or i led so and so many to Jesus before i got married, and say Real Repentance, and they still are living for Him today.
God does Not Settle because for whatever reason its not been figured out by ME yet. HIS `Perfect` Will is Just that!
`PERFECT`` for Him, me, and `EVERYONE` concerning ME! Even though i've taken some low hits from those who are the closest to me,,,, if Not for that.........
His Perfect Will for `ME` also Affects YOU! Be Thankful its the `little` everyday details dealing with this (with me) that stress you out so you leave, can't take it so i get the worst of your stress?
I'm NOT angry, until i understood just what was really going on in the Spiritual realm, i was Very Hurt to the Point God Needed to bring me to as of Rock Bottom! God used everyone's little stress's, that the enemy mean't for Evil to Destroy me, To Accomplish the very thing He intended at the Perfect time on a hot night sitting on our backporch, actually i was standing by the chair.
One comment from the only person i Never thought would say anything but only in love, and didnt mean it to be bad, i know that. I drive back to madisonville, and have been working Very hard renewing this mind, speaking truth the past 50 miles as to not give the enemy a foothold. I'm very used to this at this point.
Arriving home at dark, still confessing Truth over lies, little did i know one more jab with words would come that night. It would decide not only my future, to have one or not, & depending on the outcome of that, anyone whom i allowed myself to come in contact with me, would know too late the power of words.
"Nothing can happen to you, me, your family everyone who means anything at all to you, unless... they know Christ and are living for Him, Unless.... God `Allows` spiritual wickedness in high places to do just as we know God allowed satan to do to get at Job and test him. Flesh and blood are Not the enemy; but the Real enemy will use those most close to us if he can give them truth with just a Little bit of lie. Job's own Wife told him to curse God and Die! Should any of use expect less testing???? I sure thought so!
The only one who has been with me mostly on a daily basis, is my hubby, he works at night, sleeps all day, gets up and gets on the couch and sleeps till time to go back to work.
I did not understand why those i was the closest to seemed to react the cruelest, everyone had an opinion and most of them lived out of state! This is whats wrong with you do, don't, MIND Boggling! I've spent an Unbelievable amount of time researching online and it may Very well have kept me alive, thanks to God for giving that one extra minute to research, to Know Enough Not to be Misdiagnosed, Given the Wrong Medicine that Can kill, to Know who to trust & who not to. More than likely because i believed over 24 years ago due to symptoms, what a doctor told me must be true, i've been on meds that have certian conseqences. And at that time, One instance in 1986 this doctor Really was trying to help.
I do not handle stress of anykind! It affects my body in some form or fashion.
Will finish this later, there is daylight and i'm missing some of it...
With Love
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You Today`
Cj
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