11:43pm
It's obvious i've got a story to tell by the name of the blog. Who am i kidding other than myself. And Honestly... sitting here makes my heart palpitations unbearable; so i avoid anything as long as possible dealing with this subject.
Why? If i had not spent hundreds of hours researching each new symptom as it came on, there's no telling what institution i might be in today. That is a fact due to an ER visit by one who thought she was a master manipulator in Psy. If i had not know the ropes That medical field used 25 years ago, she would have caught a fish and by giving her Own diagnosis in less than 5 minutes that turned into 2 hours of every trick in the book, Psy. and the Bible; using even what i call the Cult Syndrome! It sure has changed and i feel for so many who are being fed drugs that do Not work, get no better just more drugged, and think; this is it, this is the way it will be forever....(why) BECAUSE SOMEBODY TOLD HER, HIM, YOUNG, OLD, who believes someone who's supposed to be looking out for their Good, really is! That was ME until 2007!
That experience in the ER in March was unlike anything i've Ever seen, much Less what i know to be proper protocol when going to the ER for Heart palpitations they want to fill their psy. beds! I've done alot of studying, and it has very likely saved my life! What I didn't tell her, caught her up on her notion she would badger me and even go as far as to tell me looking right straight in my eyes, my symptoms had nothing to do with the endoctrine issues, but i WAS Bi-Polar! I HOPE YOU ARE HEARING THIS, YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR OWN MEDICAL CARE OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE!
I played this woman and told her some old psy. meds i had at home still i had been off of for along time. She said, well, you Better take them! This was After she saw she was not getting me somewhere i did not need to be. Knowing my bible this was So Obvious i was releived. Does this sound familiar????
The last thing she said before about taking the meds, was this...
ONE day you are going to THINK YOU ARE God and fly off a building!
"The devil took Him up to the Holy City, and set Him on a pinacle of the Temple. AND said to Him..IF you are the Son of God Cast (Jump) (Leap) yourselfDown: FOR it is Written...He shall give His angels charge over you and in thier hands they will hold you up, Lest you at Any time dash your foot against a stone" (Pain,death,you get the point here) Jesus said to him... IT IS Written Again, Thou Shalt Not tempt the Lord thy God." Matthew 4:5-7
The last thing i told that woman and eye to eye, Lady, thats One thing I'll Never do is think i'm God!
I know this sounds So ludicrous, i dont know that i wouldn't be doubting it myself if not for my hubby being there all 8 hours. I left there with once again,,, deceptive instructions my hubby quickly found, and something they FAiled to tell me or to pass on to my regular drs... All ekg's have been fine until now, This one said "Irregular Heartbeat". That can mean many things, but in this case, its ongoing symptoms that attack they body when no one thinks your symptoms are worth looking into past a little bloodwork.
There's a story here to tell, i'm so far behind i'll never catch up. Thats ok. I'll post what i can, and it will be here for whoever may need it, and that might just be me.
~~~When you pray tonight...Thank God you do not plan every move you make, having to think how to get to bed, not to wake up with your heart beating out of your chest, put feet on the floor, and it goes like that all day and starts over. I had No idea what suffering was physically or mentally until this, living on the streets of a big city at 16; Nothing compared to surviving this. What am i learning? IT's PRICELESS! NOTHING is so important to get an attitude about, stress over hitting the garage door (in a rental recall car at that!) While your dad is in the house dying. And gee.... thank goodness it missed hitting the car in the garage by an inch.
I'm sorry folks, but to me that was just everyday stress compared to the past 3 years, and i just had really no reaction. Its a thing, can be fixed. Had the circumstances been different maybe i could not have been fixed. Dads gone now, April 5,we paid for the door, i could not go back for his funeral even if i tried my body would not have given the permission. Still I cannot Afford to grieve, when you know what your body can take, how much and how long, and follow that still small voice inside, you won't be led wrong.
When i write, i'm journaling my thoughts as i did for 10 years on paper. I still start on paper and now need to move it to the laptop, much faster and easier on the hands! The story is too long, but i cant stop until i know i'm done. I cannot Start until God gives me the courage to face this beast of a machine i used to enjoy, And will again!
Shalom `peace`
with love
Cj
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